Still Single

At the beginning of this year, I passed my 27th birthday. Someone jokingly commented that I was “pushing 30” and that really made me feel a little old and disheartened at the fact that I was still single. Being 27 and still single is not exactly what I would have imagined for myself back in my teen years. I assumed I would be married at least by 25 and would probably already be starting a family by 27. Yet here I am…another birthday has passed by and…still single. I am reminded often of the verse from Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.”  

Over the years, the Lord has shown me to not look at singleness as a curse or something to mourn over, but as a season of life. My sister-in-love recently shared some bits of wisdom with a friend and myself as we were discussing this topic. She encouraged us not to view marriage and singleness as one being better than the other. They both have their advantages and disadvantages; but our single years, once gone, cannot be brought back. It is a season that we need to treasure and make the most of while we have it. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about the difference between married vs. single life:

“He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.” (I Corinthians 7:32b-35)

While we are unmarried, we have so much more time to devote to studying God’s Word and serving Him. The married woman has a lot of her time taken up with running a household.

The time that the Lord has given us is such a precious thing! It is gone before we know it, and is not something we can get back. As I grow older, it feels like time goes by a lot quicker than it used to, and it has made me even more conscious of not wanting to waste any of it!

“Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:16

“My times are in Your hand.” Psalm 31:15

“So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

I regret the years I spent in my late teens and early twenties kind of sitting around waiting for Prince Charming to swoop in and THEN life would start to happen. I had the preconceived notion that marriage would make life perfect and would fix all my issues. From hearing other couples talk, I can see now that it does the exact opposite! When you put two sinners together under the same roof, all your issues you dealt with before you got married will come out just as much (or maybe even more) after you are married.

As I have struggled at times with trusting God with my future, He has helped me to realize this truth – my life has already started! And marriage doesn’t complete me – I am already complete in Christ!

“And you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” -Colossians 2:10

“My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation.” Psalm 62:5, 6a

If the Lord allows me to get married one day and have my own family, that would be great! But meanwhile, He calls me to be faithful with the time He has so graciously given me, and not to squander it waiting around for the next thing to happen.

Here are some practical ways that the Lord has shown me on how to redeem the single years:

• Focus your mind on God’s promises in His Word

• Get busy serving Him; do something for others

• Use this time of singleness to invest in your family or (if you have them) siblings’ lives. (Because if the Lord allows you to get married one day, you may never have that time to get close to them like you did when you were living at home.)

• Learn new skills that could be useful for later (and if you one day have your own family)

It can be really discouraging seeing other friends (a lot of times much younger than yourself) finding a godly man, having a beautiful wedding, and beginning their happily ever after. I’ve asked a lot of times, “But when is it going to be my turn?”  We have to remind ourselves that God is faithful and if He has marriage in the plan for our lives, then He will bring it about in His perfect time! A chorus from a song by one of my favorite family music groups has really encouraged me with remembering this.  

“In God’s perfect time He’s never been late

His plan for your life is worth the wait

In God’s perfect time you can always trust

When the moment is right the answer will come

In God’s perfect time.”

-In God’s Perfect Time by the Clark Family

What beautiful truths! God is in complete control of what is happening in our lives, and we can trust that everything He brings (or doesn’t bring us) is all in line with His sovereign plan. We don’t need to worry about the future, but simply trust and serve Him; He will bring His plans for our life to pass in His perfect time.

Let’s continue this in the comments! What lessons has the Lord taught you about this area of singleness?