Romance Stories & Wisdom from Solomon

Have you noticed how the majority of books and movies marketed to Christian women and girls today have a plot that consists of a romance story? It’s pretty easy to spot these kinds of books, because the front cover will usually have a girl on it with a guy standing in the background with a wistful look on his face. Romance novels fill entire shelves in libraries and Christian bookstores. All you have to do is walk down the faith-based or fiction aisle and you’ll see that. I have heard that some of these books that have the label of “Christian romance” even have content in them that is graphic and that no one should be reading. Just because a book is written by a Christian author, or promoted as a Christian book does not automatically mean that it’s okay.

Why are romance novels so prevalent, and why do women gravitate to them so much? I think the answer lies in how God created men and women differently, and that most (if not all) women tend to be more emotionally driven. Reading a story or watching a movie that has a storyline of the hero wooing the heroine and living “happily ever after” really appeals to our emotions.

But what about the “clean” Christian romance novels that don’t have any super bad, inappropriate scenes? I think we need to be careful even about these stories because of the way they can draw on our emotions if there is a focus on interactions between the guy and girl character in the story (i.e. kissing, holding hands, meeting each other’s gaze, the characters processing thoughts of, “Does he/she love me?”). And then there’s the popular Hallmark storyline of the guy and girl hating each other when they first meet, and then they slowly fall in love.

God’s Word guides us as Christians in every area of our lives (“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16, 17), and there is a certain scripture that I believe addresses this issue of romance stories. In Song of Solomon 8:4, Solomon, through the inspiration of God, says:

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.”

This is such good wisdom for us as single young ladies! We are instructed here to guard our hearts, and not “stir up” or “awaken” romantic thoughts before the time that we can fully enjoy them – in the context of God’s gift of marriage.

Here are three problems that I have seen and experienced myself with reading romance novels and watching movies that have a strong romantic storyline in them. These types of stories can:  

-Produce Discontentment

Even though romance God’s way (in the context of a marriage) is a good thing, if the gift of marriage is something God has not yet given us, then filling our minds with these things can only make us frustrated and discontent. When I would finish reading a book or watching a movie that had a love story in it, a lot of times it would leave me feeling down and dissatisfied. Looking back now, I realize it was because I could not fully experience what I was reading! I believe that this can even be an issue for married women as well, that it might make them become discontented with their husbands if they are not like the male character in the romance books and movies.

-Create Unrealistic Expectations

Reading romance novels can put unrealistic expectations in our minds. They can make us think that, in order to have the perfect storybook romance, our future husband has to look and act like “Mr. [insert character name], and that it will happen just like it does in the books and movies—love at first sight, etc. God IS a master at writing beautiful love stories, but just because it happened in a book or movie doesn’t mean that’s exactly how it’s going to happen in our story.

-Distract from God and His Word

Whenever I had read a romance story or had watched a movie where the romance was the primary focus, it consumed my thought life! I would daydream about the story during the day, playing over and over in my mind certain scenes between the hero and the heroine. I can look back now and see that during those times, my walk with the Lord was not as strong. It is SO important that we make sure we are filling our minds with “whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8), AND we are also to be careful not to let even the good books and movies compete in our hearts with God.

Here’s an important question to ponder: Is God number one in your thoughts, or is it the latest romance novel you read/movie you watched? An idol isn’t just something made from wood or stone; it can be anything that takes the foremost place in our minds and hearts. Elyse Fitzpatrick, author of Idols of The Heart (a book that I HIGHLY recommend!) writes:

“Instead of fashioning idols out of wood or stone, we fashion them in our imagination—worshipping that which we believe will bring us happiness… Paul told the Corinthians to ‘[cast] down imaginations, and…[bring] into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.’ (2 Corinthians 10:5). In order to ‘flee from idolatry’ (1 Corinthians 10:14), we must be vigilant to judge our every thought and imagination by the Word. We must analyze whether they are truly good. Then, if so, we must ask whether our passion for them has overshadowed our passion for God.”

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Another bit of wisdom that God gave to Solomon is: “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) Are you being careful about what you are allowing your mind and heart to dwell on? Are there any books or movies that you feel like may be prematurely stirring up romantic thoughts in your mind? I know that in writing this article, it has helped me to see the need to get rid of some books that are currently sitting on my shelf that I would call borderline romance novels. I had cleaned up parts of the books and justified keeping them because I loved the story! But I finally decided to let them go because of the question that kept nagging me: “Is it really wise to be filling my mind with something that is close to being a stumbling block?”

Are there good romance stories? Yes! I think a book or movie can have a romance story in it and be done in a way so that the guy/girl interaction is not THE MAIN focus of the story, and that is done in a God-honoring way. Here are just a few examples of books I have found that have clean love stories in them:

~The Lamplighter by Maria Cummins

~The Hidden Hand by E.D.E.N Southworth

~Chateau by The Lake by Amy Le Feuvre

~In His Steps by Charles Sheldon

~Love Lifted Me by Faith Blum

Sincerely,